Prevent burnout by reflecting on these key prompts
In his book, Women’s Burnout, Herbert Freudenberger (the psychologist who originally coined the term “burnout”) cites denial of emerging problems and a sense that we are lacking as two of the prime motives leading to burnout.
When we perceive that we are lacking in some psychological sense, we are driven to seek validation or reward obsessively, in order to make up for what we judge ourselves to be lacking.
When we are in denial of our own needs, or how much a toll on our health and wellbeing overwork actually exacts, we are rendered either incapable or unwilling to learn how to regulate our workload.
For those who are burning out, therefore, addressing these key issues of denial and lacking are paramount in preventing things from getting worse. These issues are central to the actions we must address before being able navigate our regulation of workload in a harmonious manner, and our need to feel rewarded for our efforts in life.
The following reflection prompts are great journaling material, which can help you to address your sense of denial, or your sense of lacking.
Addressing lacking and poor reward-to-effort ratio
For many people who are susceptible to burning out, the origins come from experiences growing up, which establish and reinforce a sense of lacking that continue to play out in our decisions as adults.
Formative experiences along the way can teach us that we are not inherently not good enough or acceptable as we are. These experiences make us feel that, in order to feel safe, okay, or accepted in the world, we must do certain actions in order to prove ourselves worthy; and if we do not continuously commit to these actions, we will be labeled bad, shameful, or even threaten our own survival. Examples include:
Witnessing the struggles of someone up-close growing up and seeing life as a constant struggle to survive
Conditional acceptance from parents/caregivers
Conditional worthiness from authority figures/romantic interests
Conditional worthiness from society signals – school GPAs, end of year ratings, social media followers
Conditional acceptance refers to the positive attention we receive when we achieve, and the negative or lacking attention we receive when we do not achieve, according to the the other party’s acceptable standards of achievement.
Conditional worthiness refers to the positive attention we receive when we demonstrate that we have accumulated success, and the negative or lacking attention we receive when we cannot demonstrate that we have accumulated success, according to the other party’s acceptable standards of success.
Stemming from our efforts to ensure our psychological sense of survival and attaining validation, these narratives are very powerful motivation drivers, and can cause us to form self-harming decision patterns if we fail to become consciously aware and critical of them. Examples include:
I am not worthy enough, I am not good enough, I am not productive enough
I can’t give myself permission to rest, I can’t give myself permission to ask for help, I can’t give myself permission to slow down
I can’t fail, I’m can’t disappoint others, I can’t leave or pursue other options
I have to control everything, I have to achieve, I have to become something
In a sense, these all surmount to the belief that:
“If I don’t work harder, I won’t be safe, or okay, or accepted… I won’t be able to survive if I don’t work harder”
Become more conscious of these lacking narratives with the following reflection prompts:
Where did the need to prove myself and work harder come from?
What inner insecurities is work helping me avoid/escape/cover up?
What else in life besides work do I enjoy?
What decisions would I make if I were free from fear/shame?
Addressing denial and inability to regulate workload
A second class of mental narratives can arise as we begin to take on commitments in life, such as relationships, children, mortgages, lifestyle desires, and savings goals. Leading to denial or avoidance of problems, these narratives convince us that we are in a double-bind: either we work harder and sacrifice ourselves, or we fail to uphold our commitments to work and other areas in life. Particularly, when held in a burnt out and malfunctioning brain, these narratives blind us to the possibility of exploring what agency we actually can achieve in regulating our workload, while also meeting our commitments. In the narrow, double-bind view, we also either cannot clearly see, or fear the option that is always available to us, to either change our job or change our commitments. The denial narratives simply compel us to continually sacrifice ourselves, and to accept any consequences that may arise, such as burnout.
These narratives strengthen if we do not challenge them when we encounter rising pressure from work, and are aided by supportive habits of avoiding, denying, and assuming the truth of reality.
As an additionally complexity, most of us also begin forming our productivity self-expectations while we are younger and have higher energy levels and fewer commitments. If we do not temper or adjust our expectations of what reasonable workload regulation looks like as we grow older, as we encounter our limits, and as other commitments enter our lives, then we will continue to carry them subconsciously. This can lead to yet another bind, between what we used to be able to achieve, and what we can sustainably achieve as our lives progress.
Stemming from our efforts to ensure our psychological sense of continuity and avoiding loss, these narratives are also very powerful motivation drivers, and can also cause us to form self-harming decision patterns if we fail to become consciously aware and critical of them. Examples include:
I have no agency here, I have no alternative options, I have no choice in these matters
I don’t have time to take care of myself. This is not for me, it’s for others
I just need to get through it, I just need to handle it, I just need to survive
I can’t be seen as weak, I can’t be seen as an imposter, I can’t be seen as falling behind
In a sense, these all surmount to the belief that:
“If I don’t keep working hard, I will lose what I’ve got or won’t get what I want… It’s easier to just keep sacrificing myself than to change my commitments”
Become more conscious of these lacking narratives with the following reflection prompts:
Where am I feeling compelled to work, without being asked to?
What will I think 10 years from now?
What would happen if I were to work less?
What is the cost of not resolving my burnout?
The reality is that burnout is a serious and complex issue, and everyone’s recovery journey is different. Continue your recovery with these additional steps:
Start the free, self-guided 3-week recovery plan
Read stories from people who have burned out discover burnout resources at LearnAboutBurnout.com
Explore how working with a Burnout coach can help
Take this confidential self-assessment to evaluate your current level of burnout