Mindfulness: a quick-start guide + alternatives to meditation and yoga
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Mindfulness.
Chances are you’ve heard this term mentioned more and more. Chances are you may also be confused as to what “mindfulness” really means, and how to practice it.
For many, simply hearing the term “mindfulness” can immediately evoke intimidating images of sitting cross-legged for 8 hours or exhibiting superhuman flexibility in imposing yoga poses. While it can indeed become very deeply involved and nuanced, mindfulness is actually quite simple to get started with and accessible to everyone and anyone.
This practical, quick-start guide is for those who are looking to explore mindfulness, but are having difficulties getting started with their mindfulness practice.
The first section to follow breaks down what more of what mindfulness means.
The second section goes over several methods of practicing mindfulness, including specific examples beyond yoga and meditation that can help you get started in your own mindfulness journey.
What is Mindfulness?
To begin, “mindfulness” is:
“The practice of learning to be fully present”
Understandably, you may be just as confused by the phrase “be fully present” as by the term, “mindfulness,” so here is a break down of what being fully present means in more concrete terms:
Letting go of what has already happened in the past
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For example, being able to let go of anger and pain that arose when a relationship with a significant other did not work out. Being mindful in this case would entail letting go of those emotions so as not to consume energy in the present by obsessively repeating to yourself things like:
The fact the breakup event happened (obsessively looping over and over again on this fact or a memory film-reel from the relationship)
How we wish the breakup hadn’t happened (or how things could have turned out differently)
How we won’t be able to have a successful new relationship in the present, because that relationship in the past didn’t work out and this means there is no hope for us
It is very difficult not to get stuck obsessing about the past, especially when we feel diminished or upset about what happens to us in life. To practice mindfulness, however, means to practice accepting what happened no matter how much we may wish for an alternative reality, so that we can let it go and focus on life in the present reality.
Letting go of trying to control what may or may not happen in the future
For example, being able to do our best in an upcoming job interview and let what will be, be. Being mindful in this case would entail not obsessing over anxieties like:
How much we need or want the interview outcome to be in your favor
How crushed we will be if you don’t get the job
How the interview is a litmus test for how smart or capable or valuable we are
At the end of the day, the reality is that we cannot control life. We can’t force someone to like us, or to give us a job, or to desire us. Practicing mindfulness requires us to be content with just doing our best and then accepting what happens to us. Resenting what happens to us and stressing over what may happen to us are both not mindful habits – they both take us away from being fully present.
Being mindful doesn’t mean not thinking about the future, either. Considering what we can do now or in the future is an important part of living healthy and happy lives. The point at which thinking of the future becomes harmful is after we have given our future actions sufficient contemplation and our thoughts become obsessive, going over and over again about what we plan to do or could do, or simply stoking our fears or anxieties.
After a certain point, the more that we obsess about the future, the more diminished the return in present value terms our future contemplations generate.
Accepting our life circumstances and life situation in any given moment
So much of life can be spent wishing for more or what other people appear to have; but no matter how much we wish for things, we cannot control whether we will get them.
For example, no matter how awesome it might be, I am simply not as good-looking, rich, or suave as George Clooney. So, to be mindful, I must accept that and refrain from going down a thought path lamenting how you aren’t George Clooney’s doppelgänger, or resenting George Clooney for his looks and style.
Being mindful could also mean accepting that, for instance, I am not as attractive as my best friend who gets more attention from those you are attracted to than you do. Being mindful in this case would involve accepting this reality without creating feelings of inferiority or jealousy, and instead learning to feel comfortable and confident in my own skin as I am and decide to not rest my self-esteem on the attention or validation of others. It is mindful to enjoy and explore what we’ve been given, create our own style and be the best we can be; that is, so long as we’re doing it for your own enjoyment, and not our ego’s.
Accepting that we cannot ultimately control anything that happens to us in life
For example, accepting that, no matter what we do or how hard we work, there is nothing we can do to protect ourselves, your children, or our loved ones from ever experiencing pain in life. Being mindful means doing our best in life to live healthily and happily, and then accepting what happens as it does. To be mindful is to accept our inability to control life, which is key to not resisting what happens to us and obsessing about the past.
Rather than resisting life (that is, feeling like we can’t accept certain events in life), being mindful means letting go of resistance by accepting all events – even those we don’t like. In doing so we can avoid unnecessary, self-produced suffering, and deploy the energy that would have been devoted to resisting life in more positive directions.
Realizing that, while we cannot control life, we can control your perceptions and actions in response to life
For example, understanding that we have the power to decide whether to be upset or angry for just a moment or two, or instead for hours or days after something happens that don’t like. For instance, after a long day at work, if my car window was broken and my bag stolen from the seat inside, the reality is that there was nothing I could have done to ultimately prevent the break-in; and if I had happened to park somewhere else and avoided the break-in, then there would be some other “bad” event in the future that I didn’t know how to prevent and which will happen to me.
Being mindful in this situation would involve feeling the anger or other feelings that initially arise, but then letting those feelings dissipate and not continuing to think angry or other negative thoughts, so that I can avoid being consumed by negativity and instead keep on living my life, free of the suffering my continued resistance to frustrating events would create.
Not judging or rejecting ourselves or our thoughts.
This entails learning to accept ourselves in any moment – unconditionally – so that we can be free to make decisions that truly align with our intentions and are unhindered by negativity such as guilt, shame, sadness, anger, frustration, fear, anxiety, or other stress or painful feelings.
For example, this means not rejecting the sad feelings that arise when we lose something or someone important to you. Sad feelings are not perceptions, but are a part of life and a normal reaction to life events. Being mindful means accepting that our sad feelings are a part of us, too, and allowing them to be present with us when something makes us sad.
To be mindful does not mean trying never to feel sad. Being mindful means both not rejecting our sadness (this is beyond our control) and refraining from creating more sad thoughts or perceptions beyond our initial reactions (this is within our control).
If we can practice these two things – not immediately repressing our negative feelings when they initially arise while also not strengthening the negative with more, similar thoughts or perceptions – then the negativity will eventually dissipate. While we will be sad or mad or fearful again in the future, we won’t be prone to obsessing over and identifying with negativity, and we won’t block ouselves from being happy again, too.
Myesha Clayton is a life coach whose experience demonstrates mindfulness
Finally, realizing that there actually is is no such thing as “good” or “bad” in life
Although there are many other aspects encompassed by the practice of mindfulness, this should be enough food for thought for you to contemplate for now.
How do I practice mindfulness?
Thoughts and mindfulness do not mix. This is because, as shown above, our thoughts will inevitably take us away from the present moment and into the past or future instead of allowing us to remain fully here and now in the present moment. You can easily test the veracity of this for yourself right now: start observing your thoughts and see how long it takes before your thoughts jump from what you can sense here and now in the present, to what is no longer in present (such as something that happened in the past or something that you are imagining may happen in the future). Did you make it past one minute, or even ten seconds?
Thoughts also inevitably lead us to label or judge what is happening in the present moment, and to create mental stories and obsessive thought loops, which block our ability to accept whatever is happening to us and to be fully present.
Therefore, one of the main goals of practicing mindfulness is to create periods of stillness in the mind where we are free from discursive (constant) thoughts.
Like any good practice, practicing mindfulness is not a “one-and-done” or “check the box” activity. To practice mindfulness involves exercising our capacity to be fully present, which means strengthening our capacity for the components of mindfulness mentioned in the first section of this guide, and also others.
This is where yoga and meditation come into play. Yoga and meditation are two of the most traditional and popular exercises for practicing mindfulness.
Meditation, because it can involve limiting distractions (often closing the eyes and not moving), is like lifting a heavy weight: an excellent way to train our mindfulness muscles. Yoga, because it can involve deep stretches or long challenging poses is like cardio: an excellent way to train our mindfulness stamina.
While this guide is not focused on yoga or meditation, it is still useful to have a basic reference of some of the different types:
Yoga
Vinyasa yoga – the most popular and fitness-oriented style of yoga, which focuses on flowing through full-body poses
Bikram, or “hot” yoga – popular with those who want to test their ability to remain calm, present, and mindful while hot and sweating, which is a real challenge
Kundalini yoga – a type of yoga that focuses on engaging the seven energy chakras
Yin yoga – a calm, slow yoga that emphasizes stretching and holding poses for much longer
A visual locator for the seven chakras in the body, all of which are supposed to channel different types of energies, such as the throat chakra, which channels your communication-focused energies
Meditation
Mindfulness meditation – the most popular form of meditation that focuses on not judging or labeling thoughts, but simply letting them come and go and returning the mind’s focus to the breath; typically done seated while cross-legged or in Virasana (hero’s pose) on the floor, or in a chair
Zen Buddhism meditation – a technique that focuses on 30-minute stretches of meditative focus, where one focuses with eyes half-open on one spot in the lower visual field and repeatedly counts up to 10 breaths, one-at-a-time. The purpose of zen Buddhism is to ultimately lead one to a satori (a flash of insight that accompanies instant enlightenment)
Body-scanning meditation – involves focusing all of one’s attention on different body parts, one-at-a-time, in order to progressively identify and release the tension and stress held across the body as a whole
Transcendental meditation – a form of meditation which purports to be “absolutely effortless” and involve “no concentration, control of the mind, contemplation, or monitoring of thoughts”
Chanting meditation – chanting affirmations, incantations, or words to oneself, which can help guide the subconscious to “manifest” what is being chanted; words can also be easier to maintain one’s focus on than breath
There are also innumerable resources to help get into yoga and/or meditation, from apps like Headspace or Calm, to mindfulness teachers like Breathe and Flow, to group classes like Peloton, CorePower, to your local yoga studio.
Flow, from the Breathe and Flow yoga duo demonstrating a bridge pose during a YouTube yoga session.
If picking up meditation is difficult for you or you are looking to deepen your practice, you may want to try exploring pranayama (breathwork) techniques. Pranayama breathwork exercises are particular methods of controlling the breath and are very effective and easy to learn ways of quieting the noisy mind, which can make meditation easier. At first, I also struggled to get into meditation, even after trying several different apps. Picking up a few pranayama breathwork exercises was invaluable in enabling me to manage to sit for longer periods of time, and I continue to use them in my daily practice.
People practicing a pranayama exercise. Photo by Ivan Samkov from Pexels
If yoga and meditation are not the right entry into building your mindfulness muscle or stamina right now – that’s okay! There are many alternatives to meditation or yoga that can help you get used to clearing your mind of thoughts and being fully present.
For instance, walking meditation or Tai Chi are great alternatives, as is focusing intently on a rhythmic activity like washing the dishes or cleaning the house. Yoga and meditation use breathing as the focal point which helps the mind stay present and not get distracted by thoughts; this is why rhythmic activities can work, too, by enabling us to focus on the rhythmic movement to stay present and to think less. Just as in meditation or yoga, while doing any alternative, try to let thoughts go when they arise and bring your mind back to fully concentrating on the activity. It can also help to focus on the sensations that your body is receiving, especially via your senses of touch, taste, smell, and sound.
People practicing the Chinese movement meditation, Tai Chi.
Even body movement meditation is not the only route into mindfulness. In fact, if yoga, meditation, or body movement meditation just won’t stick for you, this can actually be the perfect way to begin your mindfulness practice. “Don’t make it into a problem,” as Eckhart Tolle would say.
Instead of focusing on the fact that you can’t get yoga or meditation to stick, practice mindfulness by consciously working to refrain from judging yourself or beat yourself up about it, and move on to try a yoga or meditation alternative, like one of the following:
Explore affirmations – affirmations are simple and empowering sayings or motivational quotes, such as “I am good enough,” or “nothing that happens to me can diminish me.” The goal of using affirmations is to tap into the power of consciously setting an intention or increasing our mental resilience, which brings our subconscious to bear in manifesting (bringing to fruition) that intention or desire. Using daily affirmations can be a surprisingly effective way to orient our awareness towards internalizing tenets of mindfulness and becoming more present.
Try journaling if you are a “words” person, or start doodling if you are a “shapes” person – imbuing our pressing thoughts or emotions with a physical form helps us practice mindfulness by reducing the tendency for thoughts and emotions to overwhelm us, when they reign only in our minds. Rendering our thoughts in a physical form can help us to rest assured that those thoughts or feelings are more accounted for and acknowledged, which can empower us to either consciously let those thoughts go, or refocus our minds on more productive tasks that can break an obsessive thought loop, like thinking up actionable next steps. Obsessive thought loops are where we get stuck only obsessing on the “what” or “why” of a problem, but not the “so what” or “what next,” which involves actually accepting the problem as part of life and/or thinking through ways to resolve it.
Begin or end your day by creating a moment to visualize letting go of stress – take five minutes after waking up or before going to bed to call to mind whatever you are currently resisting, or trying to control in life. Imagine the stress caused by your resistance or desire for control in physical form, like a heavy weight, a large stone, or a loaded backpack. Imagine what it might feel like to set down the heavy load by letting go of that resistance or that desire for control. Envision yourself setting down that visualized stress and breathing a sigh of relief. Revel in the feeling of ease that letting go brings, and continue on, trying to bring that feeling of ease back to mind whenever the stress returns.
Take a break throughout the day when stressed, breathe, and reconnect with your body – try to recognize when you are having particularly stressful, obsessive, or anxious thoughts or feelings at any point during the day. When you realize it, pat yourself on the back for having a developed enough awareness to identify the stress. Stop what you are doing and take 3 deep breaths from the bottom of your stomach. Before going back to whatever you were doing just prior, engage your body in order to interrupt the dominance of your stress-obsessed mind in that moment and enable you to reset with a slightly clearer mind space. Go for a 5-minute walk, or stand up and then sit back down 3 times, or else try the tapping solution.
Share your thoughts and feelings with someone else – when we have persistent negative, obsessive, or anxious thoughts, it can be very useful to open up and talk to someone. In a similar vein to journaling or doodling, exposing our thoughts to the light of reality can help us acknowledge them and to be more amenable to letting them go, or short circuit obsessive thought loops. Talking to others can help us realize just how far away from reality – and the present moment – our mental loops can take us, which can be useful in deflating our stresses and revealing to us how much energy is consumed in maintaining our mental stories, in contrast to how easy it is to let them go and just focus on the here and now. Sharing our thoughts can be done with anyone that we know – or even don’t know – from a family member, friend, acquaintance, internet acquaintance, to a therapist, or even a crisis text line. It’s conducive to our mindfulness practice just to try sharing what is going on in our heads as honestly as we can.
Stay tuned for more learnings on mindfulness, and how to discover more happiness, love, peace, energy, and meaning in life through the power of mindfulness.