5 lessons from 5 coaches about the individual and society
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The work that coaches do with individuals reveals much about how the individual operates within the wider context of society. Coaches serve as trusted and active partners in guiding and supporting people through resolving some of their most pressing life challenges, and often play this role for dozens, or even hundreds of people. In this intimate capacity and diverse participation, coaches end up with one finger on the pulse of the dynamics between society and the individual.
What do coaches learn in their work about the dynamics of the individual and society?
Here are 5 insights on this topic by 5 coaches:
Meet the coaches
Jen Miranda Rodrigues, Personal Coach: A decade of grassroots policy change has led Jen to coaching. She loves people stepping into their power for greater confidence and clarity.
Jen’s takeaways on the individual and society:
We all want our lives to matter. The reality of our daily lives can take us away from feeling aligned with that intention. The moments of clarity and feeling alive exist, though, and coaching can support those to move from moments to a more sustained alignment.
For our social ecosystem to be healthy, we need to care about individuals' wellbeing. Working to make the world a little better is such important work. And, we have to support people to also discover and live their full selves.
It is common to feel a blah feeling about life or parts of your life at times. It might come from a need to set boundaries, strengthen our confidence or develop an exercise habit. The light at the end of the tunnel is listening to that voice that wants to feel more fulfilled and then developing some tools to get there.
Erica Karek, Life Coach and founder of EK Coaching & Wellness, LLC: Erica is a FNP with diverse healthcare experience and a passion for mental wellness. She embraces openness, joy, and the little things.
Erica’s takeaways on the individual and society:
The path to growth is infinite. Through our experiences and learning, we are never meant to stop evolving. We are able to choose the direction of our growth.
People are wholly unique, special, and powerful. Through coaching, it is an honor to learn about an individual’s innermost workings. Sharing expression of thoughts and emotions with another gives life to growth.
Despite our uniqueness, we share many similar struggles as we navigate the human condition. Adopting the lens of curiosity with which to view the world has promise to invite unity in the most challenging of times.
Jonathan Ger, Life/Leadership Coach and Founder of Jonathan D. Ger Consulting: Jonathan is a life & leadership coach with a passion for being part of the growth & development of others. He loves family, sports & music.
Jonathan’s takeaways on the individual and society:
Our understanding of our place in life continues to grow as we do. When we allow our mind, body and soul to work in unison, our spirit will soar.
Relationships are the cornerstone to our ability to feel successful. As we navigate through our responsibilities to ourselves, others and our society, we experience our greatest joys through our ability to connect deeply with others. The sharing of the journey remains even after the physical connection is lost.
If we face the obstacles that we each experience in life with an openness to all of the various possibilities, we also open to the door from within to begin to see many pathways to our desired outcome.
Cristina Liriano, The Agile Copilot. Cristina is a dog rescuer, wife, meditator, hacker, coach, enneagram enthusiast, and seeker of world peace.
Cristina’s takeaways on the individual and society:
We are each whole beings who at times, need someone to witness and walk with us to unblock our shift away from presence. When we can connect deeply to ourselves, we have the capacity to give back to society the gifts that power human advancements and growth.
Gabe Kwakyi, Life/Leadership Coach & Founder of The Musing Mind. Gabe Kwakyi is a writer, coach & entrepreneur with 10 years of life/leadership experience. Gabe is deeply passionate about empowering others.
Gabe’s takeaways on the individual and society:
We as individuals in a highly interconnected and comparison-oriented society frequently struggle with self-deprecating narratives. These can include “I’m not good enough” or “just being myself is not good enough,” as well as “I can’t say no,” or “I have to do X, otherwise this person will be disappointed in me.”
We also often feel as though we are alone in our struggles, but in reality this assumption is just another self-deprecating narrative. Most people actually struggle with very similar narratives, such as imposter syndrome and the compulsion to please others at the expense of ourselves.
We can reduce the prevalence of such harmful, yet culturally ingrained narratives in society at-large by learning to be more gentle with ourselves, and increasing our self-reflection and self-awareness.
Deeper learnings about the individual and society
Jen Miranda Rodrigues:
Everyone wants their life to matter. Everyone I’ve coached wants some meaning to come from how they spend their time. That’s a common denominator for most of us. But how are we listening to that deep-down pull?
Let’s say I want to be a kind, direct communicator and that’s a value for me. But I’m packing my day with too much, trying to be too many things to too many people. I say yes to things I don’t want to do and so I’m too harsh with my kids and feel strung out daily. Or let’s say one of my major values is to be active in my community but I keep living my daily life without finding a meaningful contribution and it leaves me feeling numb and vaguely guilty. Both of these examples are about the dissonance between how we want our lives to matter in the long run and how we’re actually living day-to-day.
That’s about the need for sustained practice around our inherent positive qualities and values. We need that as individuals, and when we do that as individuals, we’re healthier as a whole.
We all have moments of clarity when we feel alive and aligned. We confidently speak up at work or we volunteer to work the polls or go for a much-needed run. It’s when we don’t have a sustained practice around doing what inherently fulfills us that the blah feeling sets in. Coaching is powerful because you’re working together with mutual respect to uncover your inner leader and try on different perspectives and then develop a practice to bring those front and center.
Coaching is a vital part of community wellness. For those who are part of the community change ecosystem, as some of my clients are, coaching is important. We absolutely need educators, activists and healers, along with many others, and we need them to be well supported and showing up whole. As a community organizer for over a decade I saw that working for equitable policies does not mean you are aligned in the rest of your life. I believe that to be the case for a large number of public servants.
A lot of folks sincerely want to change the world in their own way. It’s critical, then, that we work together to discover and rediscover our role in it and have support to be aligned with what fulfills us.
Erica Karek:
I have always been drawn to a commitment to lifelong learning. This commitment is exciting, inspiring, and intriguing. It is also challenging. I find myself see-sawing between being fed by the thrill of learning something new and wanting to have things figured out. Sorted. Settled. The funny part is that the latter doesn’t exist. We aren’t meant to grow up. We are designed to never stop growing. Much like trees, we add rings to our trunks as we grow, adding to our being. Everything we encounter, learn, and live becomes a part of us. It is our choice how we want to direct our growth.
Coaching embraces this pull toward lifelong learning. People are fascinating. Each individual has a complete uniqueness about them. There is no one exactly like them in the whole world, never will be. As a coach, I am humbled by what an honor it is to be with people; To have a window into what is “in there”. People are wise, resilient, creative, and resourceful. Taking the time to learn more about oneself and others is never time wasted. There is something powerful about giving life to thoughts through expression (speech, writing, movement) that elicits realization, healing, and growth.
While I recognize the true individuality in each person, it is apparent that there are so many things we share. We are all navigating the human condition. In a world filled with turmoil, struggle, confusion, misunderstanding, and judgment there is an important mindset shift that is lacking. Maharajji preaches “love everybody and tell the truth”. Consciously refraining from making assumptions, I strive to view every interaction, every experience, as an opportunity to learn. Be curious versus assuming. There is no division in curiosity, only the invitation for openness and promise of learning. May we embrace our infinite growth and, like the tallest of trees, continue to reach towards the sun.
Jonathan Ger:
Like the changing seasons, the various world regions, the diversity of our socioeconomic structure, ethnicity, race and all the other differences that make each person unique, the world of coaching is an individualized process for both the coach and coachee. A common theme is the desire for connection; whether realized or not.
Through my life’s work, with specific focus on coaching, I have come to the conclusion that regardless of all of the differences that we have, the essence of the human experience is that we all want love, relationships, some level of understanding of the world that we live in, and how our mind, body and soul are each impacted by and existing in each chapter of our time here on earth.
If you’ve ever watched a baby as they become aware of their environment and have allowed yourself to dig deep, you’d see and feel a wonder that has endless possibilities. Not only is this time amazing for the baby, but it can be magnificent for you if you let it in! As a young child looks up at the moon and begins to feel the almost magnetic draw to that “light in the sky”, their minds begin to take the journey towards their own personal understanding of how they fit into this world. They’ve been told that we have had people land and walk on the moon, but the reality is too much to comprehend. As they grow, develop and begin to understand, they begin to ponder their own possibilities and voila, the spirit begins to soar. As this occurs, and for those who are fortunate enough to be born with and living with optimism, excitement grows as they imagine the future. For those who start off with a less nurtured point of view, it is possible that translating the immensity of something as “large” as the moon may seem out of reach. As coaches, we have been blessed with the desire and willingness to dig deep into the many ways that life can be navigated and that translates into having the privilege to help guide those with the vision, the desire and responsibility to provide clarity to those who need a bit more. Everyone benefits from coaching; including the coach! To thrive as a society we are dependent on mastering relationships. It started with and ends with… As individuals we all crave it whether we know it or not.
Cristina Liriano:
I believe that at our core, our essence as humans, we all seek growth - developmental and spiritual. We would not be where we are today if this weren’t true. Our incredible advances reflect a collective desire and ability to create and continuously improve what we have at every moment.
The exponential growth and accelerated speed of change of our modern age, has made it difficult to stay connected with ourselves. As individuals, we reflect the impulses of society in our obsession with more and faster. We mentally and physically absorb the tensions caused by environmental, political, societal, and cultural upheavals. And this rapid pace of growth often undermines our ability to live in real presence.
A coach’s work is to hold space for individuals to be present for themselves to connect to their gifts and to unblock what which takes us away from presence. Everyone comes to coaching as a whole self with knowledge and intuition within them. I’ve learned that most people just need someone to witness as they turn inward to the beauty within them.
Sometimes we offer a different perspective to what feels like an unmovable burden, or a reminder to be gentle or forgiving then we feel shame or anger; to focus when we’re scattered, or even a nudge when we’re stuck.
In turn, an individual who has the space to be intentional and whole, gives back to society in creativity and perseverance. When we connect to our own centers of intelligence, we act in ways that are beneficial to ourselves and to the world.
Coaching is a way to help individuals connect with their true essence by creating the conditions and space for self-exploration without judgment, shame, or guilt. It represents a movement forward, towards self-fulfillment that powers human advancements and societal growth.
Gabe Kwakyi:
One of the most powerful learnings that I have had is how many people struggle with similar themes. Many times, these themes are centered around belittling ourselves.
These harmful narratives seem rational within the confines of our minds, yet are oftentimes flat out made up or imagined conclusions from our daily experiences, such as perceiving silence from another person as “they are upset with me – that must mean I’ve done something wrong.” For example, I hear narratives from so many that include “I’m not good enough” or “just being myself is not good enough,” as well as “I can’t say no,” or “I have to do X, otherwise this person will be disappointed in me.”
As if that weren’t challenging enough, having these narratives flying around in our minds all day attacking us like mental auto-immune diseases, we also think we’re alone in our struggles.
The fact is that we all have these thoughts to some degree. No matter how accomplished, we all have a dose of imposter syndrome. Many of us feel the need to impress or please others, sometimes at the expense of ourselves. We all have some internal struggle we are fighting. We’re not alone in that regard.
What can we do with this learning? We can learn to be more gentle with ourselves. We do not need to sacrifice ourselves to live a productive life. There is a way to strike a healthy balance between our own health/needs and the needs of others and our success.
We can begin by increasing our self-reflection and self-awareness. We do this by becoming conscious of our harmful thoughts, and deciding for ourselves whether we truly agree with them before believing and reinforcing them. Some tools that can help in this include journaling, focusing on our sleep/diet/physical health, meditating, and speaking to others, such as friends, family, mentors, therapists, or coaches.
That’s all for today. Stay tuned to The Musing Mind for more leadership takeaways.